The Manhood of the Traveling Swine Flu Pants...

I am not sure if its the Swine Flu or not. But I've been under the weather lately.

At first , it was a case of the runs. Having the "bubble guts", as my brother likes to call them, is sometimes hard to track down. You can always go down a list of stuff you ate. But if nothing turns up there. What else could it be?

I had it so bad one day, I had to sit in the back row in church just so I could make a quick exit to the potty. Luckily, Divine Intervention kept me in my seat ;-)

I was able to get to the bottom of this mystery after my wife commented on all the dried apricots I was eating. Apparently these delicious fruits are as potent as a pack of prunes in an old lady's purse! Who knew!?

Cutting myself off from the good stuff, my troubles didn't end. Shortly after that my armpits started hurting!! Man, I felt like a patient on a "House" tv show. After feeling this irritation for a week I decided it was my deodorant and changed to a different one. No luck. After trying a third type of "smellgood on a stick" , with no luck, I decided I needed professional help. I called into my doctor's office to ask for an appointment. I totally felt like a dork when I had to explain my armpits were sore. Most people head to the Doctors for something serious and here I am with sore armpits. On top of that, that very morning I had a headache and a fever. I could see my scene on "House" now.

"Well Trevor, we know what is causing your problems. The apricots you were eating combined with a certain ingredient in your deodorant is causing your issues."

But, of course it was nothing like that. My doctor told me I had to put warm wet cloths under my arms and that should fix me up in no time. Really weird remedy . But hey, I am down with the natural stuff!!! The second part to my fix is that I had to stop wearing deodorant for a few days.

"Say What!"

It's been a Billion degrees out here lately and I have to walk around with no protection? And I can't forget my own motto... "Never let them see you sweat."

So over the past few days I have been trying not to make any sudden movements at work. Then I have to do a smell check every few hours :-( . But don't worry. I freshen up a few times a day in the rest room. ;-) So far no one has caught me wiping my armpits clean in the bathroom with a top secret towel and soap I bring. Just call me 007 of cleanliness.

-tp-